Because constant code-switching between so many languages (Creole, French, English and even Hindi, Bhojpuri etc.) is not confusing enough, Mauritians actually even share speech patterns with our Star Wars friend, Yoda!

Yeah, you heard that right. The subtle difference, however, lies in the fact that the weird word positioning of Yoda makes him sound wiser, ours – well, not so much.

As you (supposedly) know, the English language uses the ‘Subject-Verb-Object’ sentence structure – ex. I love Roti. In Yoda language that would become Roti I love.

Here are some ways in which Mauritians tend to sound like Yoda: 

1. Sarcasm

Mauritian Yoda speech is most commonly used in sarcasm in two ways; 

a) ‘It’s good this joke.’ 

(Subject- Verb – Complement – Repeated Subject)

b) ‘Ten shits I give.’  

(Object – Subject – Verb.) A.k.a Yoda for ‘I couldn’t care less.

‘It changed my life this grammar lesson.’

2. The Vague Subject

Bus driver: ‘It’s kaming anader (bus).’ 

For those of you who are perplexed, that is Yoda for ‘Another bus is coming’.


‘Full up. It’s kaming anader’

Bus driver

3. Me, Myself and I

Like the French (or because of them!?), we sometimes repeat the subject to emphasize difference.

Yeshna: ‘How many times per week do you go to the gym?’

Vishna: ‘Me, I go once a month.’

While not technically wrong, this is just not good English…


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4. Anglais Potisse 

  • Christie, I’m finalment headin’ bak to lile maurice
    Christie: you mean Mauritius…Why d’you gotta speak anglais potisse, y can’t u just speak plain creole???

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5. The murder of an international language… #ZE

In case you thought Mauritians are embracing the LGBTQ community and using “Ze” as a gender neutral pronoun…well, you’re wrong. That’s just how we talk dans nou ti zil, to kompren?

Yoda: You like Ze new song of Justin Bieber, zat one, you know, about ze ting, you know?

Yan: Maann, what the hell are you saying ? 


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And in case you’re horrified to have just found out you’ve been speaking like a little green creature all this time, remind yourself that Shakespeare himself did so too; ‘Something wicked this way comes

On Paradise Island we don’t really do seasons. We have a hot and humid summer and then another season which is just a tiny bit less humid and a tiny bit windier. But, you know sometimes it really feels like Winter, like, I think it was a Wednesday last year…

That being said, here are some things that happened that bloody Wednesday:

1. Students turn up to lectures in hoodies

Determined to wear the cute outfit they bought last September and haven’t had a chance to wear, a lot of students will turn up at uni decked out in their favourite uggs and sweaters.

This ensemble always seems like a good idea in the cool 7:00 am breeze; less so by midday.

2. Granny officially closes the swimming season

She’ll complain that the last time she went swimming the water was freezing (even though it’s probably warmer than it was in December) and that from this day on, anyone who goes for a swim will get sick.

3. Whatsapp groups flare up with conversations of “you’re wearing closed shoes right?”

Cause if your toes are out when it drizzles, the world officially comes to an end – and you don’t want your sandals to be the cause of an apocalypse.

4. Your mother whips the winter blankets out of storage

Even though you’ll still be sleeping with the AC on for the next month – you just have to make the room cold enough to sleep comfortably with a quilt.

5. Your Facebook feed is flooded with mugs of hot chocolate and Radiohead songs

Enjoy your melancholic staring out of the window, the rest of us are heading to the beach.

Disclaimer: We, in no way, encourage the use of illegal substances. We, however, try to expose life on the island as it really is and not as it would be in an ideal world. The following content was created solely for entertainment purposes 🙂 

When you’re a law-abiding citizen, breaking bad is tough on the mind, body and soul. Our harsh laws and police don’t help, either.

Here are some of the many stages (we imagine) you’ll go through when trying to score some herb. Share this on your Whatsapp threads if you dare. 

1. Putting it off

You pull together every shred of ‘leftover’ in an attempt to delay the inevitable. There must be enough scraps here to take me through the day, you think. 

Killing Time

2. Bracing yourself for the call

Your more pragmatic side knows there aren’t enough scraps to see you through the next hour so you’re going to have to pick up the phone. The question is: do you call, text, FB message or Whatsapp? Which is the least intrusive? Which leaves the least evidence? If only dealers used Snapchat!

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3. Remembering ‘the stash’

You suddenly remember the emergency stash you’ve hidden from yourself last month inside one of the many useless ornaments your granny gave you (she’d be so proud). 

Big Smile

4. Remembering ‘the stash’ is shit

Unfortunately you weren’t extra generous with yourself when you hid your stash in that small statue. You were actually pretty stingy. And now that’s gone too… so pick up the phone again.

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5. You choose Whatsapp as your communication of choice

We all know an SMS leaves too much evidence. And you’re convinced your calls are being tapped, so that’s out too. You consider Facebook messenger for a second but then remember that the police love asking Zuckerberg for info. So you choose Whatsapp, conveniently forgetting that it too is owned by Facebook.

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6. Message sent

You feel secure in Whatsapp’s claim of ‘end-to-end encryption’, whatever the fuck that means. Message sent. Message still unread. Last seen three hours ago. No sign of life.

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7. You brace yourself for jail

‘Omg, what was I thinking?’ The cops obviously got him and it’s only a matter of time before they see his phone and my message. You immediately look at the bright side: at least you could catch up on your reading in jail. 

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8. Then you read that someone else has been arrested

Fuck! Another arrest. Three-year jail sentence for a 19-year-old. The paranoia from the emergency stash sets in. It’s not my dealer is it? No, mine wouldn’t get caught. It must be… His dealer?

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9. You prepare to risk it all 

You prepare to be a symbol of the cruelty of the law, as long as you can get your hands on some stash to make the weekend pass a little bit easier.

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10. You pick up the phone again…

Your Whatsapp message has been seen but not read, and certainly not replied to. This has to end now. You dial the number, filled with a sense of pride and rage. No answer, obvs. 

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11. The call-back

You’ve since started cooking a nice meal or going for a long walk to forget your woes. But suddenly you get a call back from your dealer. Maybe they haven’t been arrested after all. Or maybe… Fuck it, I’m answering.

12. The reallllllly awkward phone call

“Hey man, how are you? Long time no see.”

“How much do you want?”

“Ummm, yes. I’d love those…. things we spoke about last time. How much do you have? Hehe.”

“I only have the expensive stuff today.” 

“Ok whatever. Just tell me how much and where.”

“Meet you tonight in a “poorly lit backstreet in Port Louis”

“Oh, that’s fine, not creepy at all.” Motherfucker.

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13. The eternal wait

I was sure he said 7.30pm but maybe he meant 10pm.

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14. The meet-up

Here is it. It’s neatly crumpled up into the shittiest piece of stretch-and-seal I could get my hands on. Oh and it’s double the price, just because fuck it.

15. The end


16. The actual end

“Hey, can I just hang around a bit so it’s not too obvious? Maybe we can roll one up together and just sit here for a while?” 

The roads of Mauritius aren’t exactly the safest place to be, but when you don’t drive you look past the safety issues and long for the day you’re able to join the daily commuters, braving the traffic around Phoenix, Curepipe or Port Louis.

Here are some moments that push non-drivers to contemplate actually getting their license:

1. When you wait for the bus in the boiling sun or in heavy rain

All the while knowing you might have to wait another hour till it even appears. 

2.  When people ask you why you don’t drive

They’ll all assume it’s because you’re lazy, when there’s probably a multitude of reasons behind it, (not least because you’re too broke to afford lessons).

3. When you have to leave early to catch the bus back home

The night is young, but you end up going home at the same time old people do.

4. When you have to beg your friends to drive you home

And no one is up for it.

5. When you have to leave home 2 hours early just to get there in time

Being punctual requires a lot of planning beforehand. Especially when you rely on the public buses.

6. When you plan to go somewhere, but give up and stay home ’cause it’s too much effort

I’ll go out some other day. Maybe.

7. When someone asks you if you can drive them home

And having to tell them you don’t even drive.

8. When all your friends drive except you

And you sit there and swear you’ll get your license someday.


So, before going straight into the nitty gritty, it is important to note that the scope of this article is not to force a certain lifestyle choice onto you. Not at all! All that we aim to achieve is sparkle your interest in the topic and probably make you want to research the points mentioned further for yourselves.

(Vegan: a person who does not eat or use animal products)

Also, the Key Word in this article is #SARCASM

1) Animals’ lives matter, but people are more important

Because, you know, those bloody vegans only care about the animals. But what about us, humans ? We deserve a bloody steak, don’t we?!

Well, it might be true. Vegans only care about the animals. They care so much, they actually don’t have any compassion left over for our fellow homo-sapiens. Too bad, so sad.

I guess, once upon a time, they were charismatic, happy individuals. That all stopped when they went vegan, now it’s all bitterness and hatred for humanity.

2) Veganism might possibly be the solution to many of the world’s problems, but then again…Curry Poulet…mmm…

You have probably heard that animal agriculture is the single greatest source of:

A) Greenhouse Gasses,
B) Land Use,
C) Land Degradation,
D) Freshwater Pollution, and
E) Rainforest Destruction

(In case you did not know that but are interested, Google is your friend!)

F*@k the planet, f*@k the animals, and f*@k the generations that come after us, RIGHT!?

If we don’t stop this nonsense, we might actually curb climate change.. Who on earth would anyone want that…

3) Poor under-developed countries in mainland Africa…that’s no man’s land, let them starve…

Speaking of other people, did you know Animal Agriculture contributes to world-hunger too? That’s right!

It takes 13 pounds of grain to yield just one pound of beef!
(the situation with other types of meat is pretty similar, in case you decided you’re fine because you don’t eat beef)

In fact, it’s been shown that a better use of existing croplands could feed four billion more people by simply shifting away from growing crops for animals, and instead growing it directly for human consumption. 

Once I found that out, I ditched the soy and went right back to burgers. I can’t have starving people eating grain that’s supposed to go to my “burger cows”!

4) Want to live longer? Noooo…

According to the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics, vegans are less likely to develop:

A)Heart Disease,
B) Cancer,
C) Diabetes, or
D) High Blood Pressure

than meat eaters are.

Who do they think they are!? I prefer my life to be like my coffee: bland, under-extracted, and gone too fast.

Speaking of health, vegans tend to be thinner than meat-eaters and they even have more energy.

Why would anyone want either of those things!?

5) Missing Out on too much Fun

Animal products are often contaminated with feces, blood, and other bodily fluids. Umm, YUM! They are also packed with antibiotics that enter straight into our bodies when we consume meat and other animal by-products.

Why would the vegans try to boycott an industry that loves to poison people!?

Didn’t we just recently have a salmonella outbreak in Mauritius?

Don’t you dare try to deprive me of my ritualistic diarrhea, cramping, abdominal pain, and fever.

“I feel so aliveeeeee.”

6) Because Your Mind Tells You “No”

You remember that time when your parents broke the news about Santa?

Let me guess: you ostracized them and continued believing.

No? You were presented with new facts that challenged your beliefs, and you CHANGED YOUR OPINION! (or didn’t you?)

Any vegan can tell you: That is simply not possible.

You are either born into veganism, or you aren’t. There’s no changing your genetics or beliefs.



Last, but not least, you are probably saying to yourself “but people have been consuming animal products for centuries…”. And while that might be true, is it not also true that slavery was the norm for centuries? Where do you stand on that?