So, before going straight into the nitty gritty, it is important to note that the scope of this article is not to force a certain lifestyle choice onto you. Not at all! All that we aim to achieve is sparkle your interest in the topic and probably make you want to research the points mentioned further for yourselves.

(Vegan: a person who does not eat or use animal products)

Also, the Key Word in this article is #SARCASM

1) Animals’ lives matter, but people are more important

Because, you know, those bloody vegans only care about the animals. But what about us, humans ? We deserve a bloody steak, don’t we?!

Well, it might be true. Vegans only care about the animals. They care so much, they actually don’t have any compassion left over for our fellow homo-sapiens. Too bad, so sad.

I guess, once upon a time, they were charismatic, happy individuals. That all stopped when they went vegan, now it’s all bitterness and hatred for humanity.

2) Veganism might possibly be the solution to many of the world’s problems, but then again…Curry Poulet…mmm…

You have probably heard that animal agriculture is the single greatest source of:

A) Greenhouse Gasses,
B) Land Use,
C) Land Degradation,
D) Freshwater Pollution, and
E) Rainforest Destruction

(In case you did not know that but are interested, Google is your friend!)

F*@k the planet, f*@k the animals, and f*@k the generations that come after us, RIGHT!?

If we don’t stop this nonsense, we might actually curb climate change.. Who on earth would anyone want that…

3) Poor under-developed countries in mainland Africa…that’s no man’s land, let them starve…

Speaking of other people, did you know Animal Agriculture contributes to world-hunger too? That’s right!

It takes 13 pounds of grain to yield just one pound of beef!
(the situation with other types of meat is pretty similar, in case you decided you’re fine because you don’t eat beef)

In fact, it’s been shown that a better use of existing croplands could feed four billion more people by simply shifting away from growing crops for animals, and instead growing it directly for human consumption. 

Once I found that out, I ditched the soy and went right back to burgers. I can’t have starving people eating grain that’s supposed to go to my “burger cows”!

4) Want to live longer? Noooo…

According to the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics, vegans are less likely to develop:

A)Heart Disease,
B) Cancer,
C) Diabetes, or
D) High Blood Pressure

than meat eaters are.

Who do they think they are!? I prefer my life to be like my coffee: bland, under-extracted, and gone too fast.

Speaking of health, vegans tend to be thinner than meat-eaters and they even have more energy.

Why would anyone want either of those things!?

5) Missing Out on too much Fun

Animal products are often contaminated with feces, blood, and other bodily fluids. Umm, YUM! They are also packed with antibiotics that enter straight into our bodies when we consume meat and other animal by-products.

Why would the vegans try to boycott an industry that loves to poison people!?

Didn’t we just recently have a salmonella outbreak in Mauritius?

Don’t you dare try to deprive me of my ritualistic diarrhea, cramping, abdominal pain, and fever.

“I feel so aliveeeeee.”

6) Because Your Mind Tells You “No”

You remember that time when your parents broke the news about Santa?

Let me guess: you ostracized them and continued believing.

No? You were presented with new facts that challenged your beliefs, and you CHANGED YOUR OPINION! (or didn’t you?)

Any vegan can tell you: That is simply not possible.

You are either born into veganism, or you aren’t. There’s no changing your genetics or beliefs.



Last, but not least, you are probably saying to yourself “but people have been consuming animal products for centuries…”. And while that might be true, is it not also true that slavery was the norm for centuries? Where do you stand on that?

1 thought on “Why Mauritians should NEVER go Vegan

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